Welcome to another “Words From the Husband.” A brief moment when Tim pries the keyboard from my hands to speak his mind. He is full of #*&@, I mean, enthusiasm, wit, and humor. Although he can’t speak of breastfeeding and pushing babies out, his posts bring the other side of parenting into light or in today’s case the ramblings of an overworked father.

redneck baby products

The following products don’t exist (I hope!), but really should. If you’ve ever lived in a small to mid-sized town anywhere from the Midwest to the South, the following are guaranteed camouflage.

1. Baby jogger with mud tires. ‘Nuff said.

2. Tailgate cover that says “Redneck Changing Station.” Bonus points if you use shop towels as diaper wipes, or if WD-40 has ever come into the equation.

3. Onesies with the following slogans: “My house has wheels.” “Daddy’s Little Tax Deduction.” “Milk sucks. Got beer?”

4. Size 3t steel-toed boots.

5. Burlap diapers. Who says only hippies and eco-moms are green?

6. Maternity T-shirts with the Hooters logo on them.

7. Power Wheels ’83 Dodge pickup with two out of six body panels in different colors, one of which must be primer gray. Fake bullet hole stickers included.

8. Gulf Coast Barbie. Use your imagination and a little Clairol mixed with peroxide.

9. Truck Stop Waitress Barbie. Can’t you just smell the grease and coffee?

10. E-Z-Fry Catfish Cooker. Also works with tater tots and chicken nuggets. Ages 3 and up.

Guaranteed sellers at discount chains and flea markets everywhere! Please contact for marketing info. Feel free to submit your own product ideas.

–the husband